For Catherine

I learned a couple of days ago that one of my school friends had passed away just before Christmas after a short illness. This made me sad. Catherine was a beautiful gentle human being. She is the first of my school friends to die from so called 'natural causes'. And that's supposed to make it 'OK' is it? Moments like this are that curious mix of knowing that such things are a common experience for us all, an inevitable part of being alive and yet such a deeply personal one too. I thought why her? why that way? who will be next how will happen? We get pretty meta-physical at times like these.

The news however brought the past vividly to life. The school disco, the sound of Procul Harum playing at the end. I can remember what I was wearing, I can even see the type of early evening summer light as we hung around outside and chatted. I haven't seen Catherine for over 20 years. For one week in 1968 she was my 'girlfriend' and then she became the childhood sweetheart of a good friend of mine, and eventually they got married.

In quiet moments I often imagine that we have a thin piece of red cotton attached to our backs and that you can follow the path through life you make on a map. I also imagine the paths of other people and see where they meet, cross over, drift apart, run parallel. The redlines of Catherine and I. The social connections of everyone we meet. A complicated red social network. Why am I writing this? why on a blog? It might be a way of bringing a section of red cotton to life. Before I've always held these things in mind. I've never really thought about what the cotton looks like at the end. When we die. A clean cut? frayed and dishevelled? Our final strands casting around trying to grab the life line of others? I have no idea.

This post wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Catherine.

Climb Evr'y Montaigne

Does Michel Eyquem, Seigneur de Montaigne (1533-1592)have a claim to be the Grand Father of Blogging?I learned about him for the first time listening to the BBC radio morning programme Start The Week He was a contemporary of Shakespeare who lived in France and travelled widely. It is claimed he invented the writing form we call The Essay. Montaigne has come to my attention some two years plus into my blogging expedition, and he has become a source of inspiration, even though I am yet to read his work.

His writings are ponderings, they are might be's and might nots. They aren't the stuff of a 50 ways to....blah blah, or how to re-design your blog template and integrate the latest social networking application across all your other applications. Neither is he about 'monetisation'. He is about committing his thought to 'paper' and engaging in a journey of thought inspired by journeys in the real world.

Looking back at my very first post it is far more (humbly) in the style of Montaigne than the Pro Bloggers than dominate the blogosphere in their marketing and tech-geek niches.

So...for a while back to my roots. Monataigne pondered...do I play with my cat or does my cat play with me...I like that sort of pondering.

Lance Bombadier Matt Hatton

Do you live in Sheffield area? If so you might like to go to this event in memory of Lance Bombadier Matt hatton, and in support of the Help For Heroes charity. It takes place on the 12th February 2010.

Click image to reach Vicky Hatton's website.

Social Media Overload Is Making Me A Stylite

So, I switch on my Yahoo and I'm hit with a headline about the Police getting cheesed off with time wasters. Hmm I wonder, this might be relevent to me and so I click on it to reveal a story about the New Zealand Police force. This sort of typifies the deluge of news stories that intrude into our headspace minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day. New Zealand is on the other side of the planet to me and I'm getting worn down by being informed about the grief and hassles of all around the the world.

Human beings are not designed for taking on board loads of information. In fact we are designed to be the opposite. We have to act as a Cogitive Miser we have to shut out the noise otherwise we become paralysed and unable to operate in the world. Of course the stuff reported is bad, of course its bad for the people involved, but it ISN'T my problem!

My brain power and my emotional resources are there so that I can cope with the stuff life throws at me and my nearest and dearest not other people. That's not to say I won't sympathise or help out when I can, its just that being 'disaster bombed'in every news item means I have a growing sense of utter lack of of control of events in the world. Frankly its depressing. Its bad enough with the interjection of advertising messages. We really do have and 'advertised mind'

As Richard Petty said “imagine if you thought carefully about every t.v. or radio commercial you heard or advert you read…
if ever you made it out of the house …you’d probably be too mentally exhausted to do anything else”

So maybe I've reached a conclusion. I think I'm going to follow the example of The Sylites I'm going to make a conscious effort to stay apart from the news for a while. This blog is going to be 'my column' and I'll write about thoughts rather than events for a while. I wonder what will happen? Where will the inspiration of posts come from if there is not stimulus from the world? Is it really good for anyone to know about every event taking place in the world as it happens?

Civilian Under Cover Policeman

Hello, Hello, Hello what's going off here then? Stuart Howatson (This is NOT a picture of Mr Howatson btw) has been nicked for conning his family into believing that he was London Metroploitan Police Officer in a classic tale of gullibility. This is a great example of how con artists control the situation rather than people. Simply by setting a place at his wedding for 'his boss' the London Metropolitan Police Chief he reinforced the belief in the minds of his con victims that he really was what he claimed to be.

Politeness, trust, and the desire to 'believe' are all the things a con artist preys on. If you want to avoid being gullible you need to keep a skeptical view. This doesn't mean being cynical but it does mean checking for evidence, it does mean looking after 'Me Inc.' because if you don't the con artist who really is looking after 'Me Inc.' will have you on a string.

If someone you love appears to be a Policeman and you are suspicious that they are not what they seem. Why not start thinking and acting like a Policeman yourself. The London Metropolitan Police service say they wish to recruit people who are good at:

Effective communication
Problem solving
Personal responsibility
Resilience.

amongst other things. I'm suprised they don't emphasise curiosity and skepticism too. Mind you looking at the 'managerilaist and HR tone' of their web site it seems that some of the fundamentals have got lost in in the wash of 'business school management speak'

They say they are looking for the core competences Well anyone who has actually read and understood Hamel and Prahalad will realise the things they are talking about are 'skills' not competences. Not only that core competences really relates to organisations not people! If you are a senior Met officer reading this don't be conned by your HR people!

Its also interesting that the skills relate to organisational behaviours rather than the delivery of value in terms of what the police officer is there to do. If I was in charge of the Met I would list the personal qualities as things that the person'does' not what they 'are':

i) Be open minded (which would encourage a respect for diversity and affect curiosity)
ii)Be an effective Social Influencer (much more profound than 'effective communication and teamworking'
iii) Be good at behavioral Pattern Spotting and Sense-Making (deeper than problem solving)
iv) Be Independent Self Driven concern for making a difference to people and communities
v)deter and prevent crime
vi)catch criminals (doh is that a bit too obvious!)

Tiger Woods Fallen Angel or Willy Loman

The announcement today that Tiger Woods is going to take an indefinite leave from golf appears to confirm his status as a Fallen Angel. He has lost his heavenly status in Brand Heaven, and what we are witnessing is really the
Death of a Saleman Just like Willy Loman in Arthur Miller's novel Tiger appears to have arrogantly believed that he is better than he really is. I don't mean this in terms of sporting prowess, which is of course, self evident, I mean it in terms of navigating a course through life.

Tiger Woods seems to exhibit many of the characteristics of Hubris This idea from ancient Greek culture is popularly associated with phrase 'pride comes before a fall'. Something that seems to dog the rich and famous unless they are careful and grounded.

Wikipedia define hubris as:
"...pride, haughtiness, or arrogance, often resulting in fatal retribution or Nemesis...actions which, intentionally or not, shamed and humiliated the victim, and frequently the perpetrator as well. It was most evident in the public and private actions of the powerful and rich."

Success, power and wealth are very beguiling. They have a curious effect on people. Frequent and consistent success lead the successful to believe that they have a special 'gift' or have even been chosen to be successful. Everything they have done has been a success therefore everything they will do in future will be a success too. Nothing can ever go wrong. This is also known as Victory Disease

Power and wealth can lead people to believe that the normal rules of nature and society don't apply to them. Doors have always opened and always will, people have always hung on their every word and always will, transgressions and and behaviour have always been overlooked and always will. They are in control of events not at the affect of them.

Psychologists talk of the Hubris Syndrome Here's a taste of some of the characteristics of someone suffering from it:

a narcissistic propensity to see the world as an arena in which they can exercise poor and seek glory.

restlessness, recklessness and impulsiveness.

excessive confidence in their own judgement and contempt for the advice or criticism of others.

exaggerated self belief, bordering on a sense of omnipotence, in what they personally can achieve.

loss of contact with reality, often associated with progressive isolation.

We see this alot and it touches all aspects of life:





So, will Tiger Woods return to golf? can he return to his former glory? or has he fallen from grace for ever? I suspect the Hubris industry will swing into action now with a series of books and programmes about this fallen angel. Let Willy Loman have the last word:

"Before it's all over we're gonna get a little place out in the country, and I'll raise some vegetables, a couple of chickens…"
Death of a Salesman
Willy Loman, to his wife Linda, Act 2

How Do You Know If You Are In Love?

Love is a curious thing that has had poets and philosophers pondering over its nature for thousands of years. As Satine and Christian say in Baz Lurhmann's film Moulin Rouge:
Satine: Besides, I can't fall in love with anyone
Christian: Can't... fall... in love? But, a life without love, that's... terrible...
Satine: No, being on the street, that's terrible.
Christian: No! Love is like oxygen!
Satine: What?
Christian: Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!"



The crucial thing for scholars of Gullibilty is that often love is blind. That's why we frequently ask the question 'How Do You Know If You Are In Love?' We have to perform a sanity check at the very moment of sanity. This suggests that deep down we know we are at risk of being duped.

My guess is that the very fact you ask the question 'how do you know if you are in love' indicates that you are in love! Which really means that the real question is how do I know if a guy likes you or how do you know if a girl likes you. And isn't that the thrill? The risk involved in trying to find out. The chance of utter elation or crushing disappointment. The prospect of looking and feeling great or looking and feeling stupid.

What matters is how to tell if the other person is love with you not if you love the other person. So how do you make sure you aren't being gullible? Well the answer has to be try and avoid assumptions. Assuming how the other person feels is like trying to mind read so the best thing to do is gather evidence. Now evidenceisn't the assumption and speculation of your best friend. Its clear evidence of intent. A spoken commitment or a gesture from the other party. Even then though how do know that it isn't a trick?

Well the human race hasn't got round that one. We are designed to deceive Simply asking 'do you love me' won't work either because there are so many types of love that can be answered in the affirmitive. The ancient Greeks for example identified 5 types of love. Agape the true form of love, Eros physical attraction, Philia loyalty to friends, Storge natural affection for family, Xenia hospitality.

So if someone 'fancies' you is it just Eros at work or something more profound, if they say they 'like' you do they simply mean Philia is driving things, or perhaps 'it would be great to go out for lunch shows Xenia in operation!

Here's a sure fire tip. When the person you are thinking about is sitting down. Go and sit close next to them. Watch their reaction. Do they run a mile? do they become stand-offish? do their eyes light up? do they move closer to you? This is real evidence. Act on it!


Still not sure? Check out Am I In Love

Let The Bankers Blow Their Brains Out

So the Royal Bank Of Scotland Board are threatening to resign if they don't get their bonuses. Go ahead guys!

I think what we see here are people behaving to type. Self interested, self serving and self agrandizing. People who regard themselves as so important and smart that they are indispensible. Well gentlemen. Nobody is indispensible so I suggest you leave.

They seem to have mistaken the good fortune of working in a large institution, navigating head hunting and interview processes for creative talent!

Just make sure there are six bullets in the chambers! Being bankers I'm sure the maths won't be too challenging.

Averting Your Eyes From Tiger Woods

As we know the social media and networking is a very public space. Worse still for major celebrities like Tiger Woods whose lives are always under the spotlight. It seems that we lack a moral code for how to behave in new social media spaces believing that because things can be easily placed in the public domain we have the right to pore over every detail.

Maybe we should practice the etiquette of 'averting our eyes' something common in Asian cultures. In crowded spaces this is often the only way to give somebody the privacy they need.

Tiger Woods seems to be going through a very normal difficulty in his marriage and quite frankly its none of our business. The press should 'butt out' and we should only show interest in his sporting activities. In that situation he has committed to a public life and his marital affairs should remain private.