Saturday, 5 December 2009

How Do You Know If You Are In Love?

Love is a curious thing that has had poets and philosophers pondering over its nature for thousands of years. As Satine and Christian say in Baz Lurhmann's film Moulin Rouge:
Satine: Besides, I can't fall in love with anyone
Christian: Can't... fall... in love? But, a life without love, that's... terrible...
Satine: No, being on the street, that's terrible.
Christian: No! Love is like oxygen!
Satine: What?
Christian: Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!"

The crucial thing for scholars of Gullibilty is that often love is blind. That's why we frequently ask the question 'How Do You Know If You Are In Love?' We have to perform a sanity check at the very moment of sanity. This suggests that deep down we know we are at risk of being duped.

My guess is that the very fact you ask the question 'how do you know if you are in love' indicates that you are in love! Which really means that the real question is how do I know if a guy likes you or how do you know if a girl likes you. And isn't that the thrill? The risk involved in trying to find out. The chance of utter elation or crushing disappointment. The prospect of looking and feeling great or looking and feeling stupid.

What matters is how to tell if the other person is love with you not if you love the other person. So how do you make sure you aren't being gullible? Well the answer has to be try and avoid assumptions. Assuming how the other person feels is like trying to mind read so the best thing to do is gather evidence. Now evidenceisn't the assumption and speculation of your best friend. Its clear evidence of intent. A spoken commitment or a gesture from the other party. Even then though how do know that it isn't a trick?

Well the human race hasn't got round that one. We are designed to deceive Simply asking 'do you love me' won't work either because there are so many types of love that can be answered in the affirmitive. The ancient Greeks for example identified 5 types of love. Agape the true form of love, Eros physical attraction, Philia loyalty to friends, Storge natural affection for family, Xenia hospitality.

So if someone 'fancies' you is it just Eros at work or something more profound, if they say they 'like' you do they simply mean Philia is driving things, or perhaps 'it would be great to go out for lunch shows Xenia in operation!

Here's a sure fire tip. When the person you are thinking about is sitting down. Go and sit close next to them. Watch their reaction. Do they run a mile? do they become stand-offish? do their eyes light up? do they move closer to you? This is real evidence. Act on it!

Still not sure? Check out Am I In Love


  1. If one falls in love, you can find that he is love from his face and eyes.

  2. Yes. indications of being in love. I'm still puzzled to know 'am I in love?'